Another New Beginning

                              Usually most kids had a childhood and grew up with their dads on their side. He has heard her first cry, first laugh, has seen her first smile, first frown even her first time to fall because she tried to walk.  But not all kids experienced that including me but I had an awesome childhood even without my dad because of my mom and "lolo". They gave me everything that I need especially their love and support. In the run of many years that he wasn’t there for me, I thought that I'd be fatherless forever but I was wrong.

                             Six years ago, I was in the funeral of my lolo. I saw a chinito man walking towards me with my mom. He looked familiar and that’s when I knew that I already saw him in one of the pictures  my mom has in her cellphone. They were in a restaurant as it is obvious in the background and they were smiling.They looked so happy in the picture. When they stopped in front of me, I got shocked because he hugged me tight to the point that my feet can't feel the ground anymore.  I was still in a form of shock because I didn’t know the name of this guy. But my mom introduced him to me and told me that he's my long lost father. I thought to myself that my father  whom I have never known is now standing in front of me. I don’t know what to call what I was feeling that time because words can't express it. It's beyond joy. He had to go after we ate lunch. He promised me that he's coming back for the wake. When he left that’s  when I finally realized that this is the new beginning of my life and that this would change everything. 

                                I waited for him but he didn’t appear on the day of my lolo's wake. I was confused and frustrated because he promised me that he'll come , but I was only 9 and couldn’t hold grudges. I still don't know that the quote "promises are made to be broken" does exist and the way I see the world before was different.

                                As the years passed by, I realized that nothing's ever going to be the same ever since that day because I already know what he looks like and his name.  It's just  that I don’t know yet how his attitude works. Im confused. I had a lot of what if's on my mind and perfect scenarios of how my childhood would look like if he was just there with me. 

                            After a couple of years, he decided to show up on me again. Without hesitation I accepted him. I didn’t even bothered to ask at first why he left and he didn’t even bother to explain to me. I just let it slip away. But secrets are made to be exposed and that’s when I knew the truth.  I really got hurt when I knew about it. Another big revelation in my life. Another new beginning because I could not look at life the same way I did when I was 12 years old. 

                          Time flies so fast and time heals, maybe someday I'll get rid of this pain inside of me. But he's still my dad and will always be, that’s  why Im always here to forgive him to everything that he's done and made me feel because I love him and he's the only dad that I've got here in this world. 

     

        -CADL